


wish tree

by jellycafes



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Merry Christmas, Some Fluff, and im sorry, chuuves - Freeform, holy fuck im so happy this completed i could scream, not happy ending so look away now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21846478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellycafes/pseuds/jellycafes
Summary: this christmas, like any other day, jiwoo patiently waits for sooyoung to come home.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Kudos: 47





	wish tree

**Author's Note:**

> idk if i wrote winter correctly i live in a tropical country pls ToT  
> (and yes the title is a red velvet song)

**my first wish is for you and i to be happy like we were today**

ice precipitates from the december sky, falling onto the rich earth; the snow that blankets the lawn was white outside, pristinely glistening beneath the daylight, and it was cold that jiwoo's breaths would come out in a mist. she had loved the feeling of ice crushing beneath her pair of cozy boots, the frost that dangles onto the fabrics of her jacket whenever she had gone too long outside, and most of all, the way sooyoung blooms a huge smile across her face very playfully with the warmth that cuts through the coldest of seasons.

she could have been outside right now, snowball fighting with sooyoung, laughing, making a note to fix up two hot chocolates later. her heart _used_ to be so full during the holidays. christmas used to be so bright.

but now, no, winter isn't the same anymore. it was still as cold, but the kind of cold that seeps through jiwoo's skin slowly slicing her heart in half. the kind of cold that reminds her of the half empty bed that used to have sooyoung's blazing body next to hers. it's when she'd lay flat on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing for sooyoung to appear in sight wearing the smile that she had grown to love, and then lean in to kiss her hello. _but it's okay._ she'll be home soon. she will be.

she turns to the bedside drawer. there was a small frame displaying sooyoung's picture holding up a peace sign close to her face, looking so happy that her eyes had turned into little cresents that had been jiwoo's small portals to the rest of the galaxy. she carefully picks it up. _"i miss you."_ jiwoo whispered, as if it can hear her. she planted a small kiss to the photo before bringing it to her chest. jiwoo smiled- _at least-_ she tried to. it doesn't count if the smile isn't of security.

sooyoung was long gone from her.

but it's _okay._ one day, any minute, sooyoung will happily come back to her. to give her the warmth they both needed to survive the cold weathers of winter season. jiwoo knows that day will come sooner than she's been expecting, and she _swears_ that if that time comes she wouldn't waste a second not entangled in sooyoung's arms.

"i love you!" jiwoo exclaimed, directing it to the lover away from her grasp. she waits for an answer. _none._

"you know," she continues, talking to the empty voids of her bedroom, hoping- _j_ _ust hoping_ _-_ that it wouldn't melt in the wind this time. that it can reach sooyoung, wherever she is now. "i can't wait until you come home. but that's alright, waiting forevermore and a day wouldn't hurt much anyway. and i know it will be worth it to see you again, ha sooyoung." jiwoo grinned, tightening her grip on sooyoung's photo.

"it's a shame i couldn't kiss you under the mistletoe like you wanted to. but we can always wait for another year's christmas, can we? and for the year after that, and for the year after the year after that... i can wait for a full lifetime for you."

silence had fallen, enveloping the room with menace jiwoo tried hard to ignore. once again, like everyday, she waits for the gate hinge creaking, any locks clicking open, _any_ sign of sooyoung returning home. or when she's met with nothing yet again, she hopes sooyoung is on her way back and she'd surprise jiwoo by the second it hit christmas. jiwoo can already imagine it happen. sooyoung would appear by the doorframe, and jiwoo will run to her like a child running back to her mother, peppering her face of so much kisses until sooyoung gets sick of it. she'd hug her so tightly and would never let her go for the rest of eternity.

the time will come soon, as jiwoo believes, and she'll finally embrace sooyoung warm. _not sooyoung's photo._ it wouldn't suffice.

"wherever you are, please be warm." jiwoo wishes, as if the image of sooyoung in her head would hear that and grant that. "i love you." she whispers, _gently,_ her voice so broken under her breath.

**my second wish is to always be together even after several winters**

words and a sigh dissolved by the thin air inside her room. she looked to her right, now only noticing the gigantic apple cushion on the floor sooyoung always loved. it was a gift from someone in their friend circle, jinsoul, after they announced fixed plans of moving in together to the group. "this thing is huge. you could fit you and jiwoo here." jinsoul joked, although knowing that'll most likely be true. sooyoung and jiwoo laughed inwardly at that. she'd never forget jinsoul telling them how haseul caught the two of them craddling each other on it one afternoon as they sleep, too. mind jiwoo, jinsoul even had to hear it from their friend.

jiwoo ran to it and jumped, feeling the softness once she landed and sank into as the cushion hugs her body. it was that huge for a person or two to lie on it. jiwoo liked to think it was sooyoung hugging her, so she hugs back.

"remember how much you loved laying down on this thing?" jiwoo again asks the imaginary presence of her lost girlfriend. "bet once you come back home you'd wallow dramatically on your gigantic apple." she laughed at that imagination of sooyoung doing so. _she'd probably do it for real._ getting soft at the thought, jiwoo buried herself deeper onto the cushion, feeling the fluffiness under her weight.

about sooyoung, she has gone missing for so many months. jiwoo didn't care enough to count how many. it wouldn't matter once she arrives. sooyoung has filled her heart with trust that everyday she trusts she'll still go to jiwoo by the end of her days. she knew sooyoung wouldn't do anything, not even the slightest pinch, to hurt her.

so much trust... that everyday she's expecting for sooyoung to show up by their door when it's evening.

jiwoo had no idea where she is. she hasn't received any calls and messages from sooyoung ever since she left. but she didn't mind. it wouldn't matter when they see each other again. sooyoung would never dare leave her.

and sooyoung would never have an idea how badly does the younger lover miss her. she never uttered a word to jiwoo, and how she wanted to trap her short frame in her arms. but for jiwoo, she'd like to feel what was rather heard. and she feels that with every beat of her heart against her chest it was sooyoung telling her she misses her a lot, too. not a day passing when she doesn't.

_sooyoung grasps on her burgundy luggage. the handle feels like knife in her palm._

_"_ _i'll be back in a few week's time. it's gonna be the busiest of weeks, but don't worry!"_

_sooyoung was just kissing jiwoo goodbye but the latter already feels pierced in her chest. nevertheless, she fights that feeling knowing sooyoung wouldn't like to make her feel so._

_"take care, i love you." jiwoo mutters, meaning each and every word._

_sooyoung ran her fingers on the strands of jiwoo's hair for the last time. "i will. for you." a careful giggle. "i love you more." she smiles before planting a kiss on jiwoo's forehead, the smile not fading away when she slowly disappears among the airport's small crowd._

_that was the last time she's ever seen her._

jiwoo can't help but wonder, where could sooyoung be right now? is she warm? knowing how sooyoung dislikes cold, she was kind of mad of herself for not being by her side to ease her. sooyoung would always say her place with jiwoo is and will always be the warmest and coziest in the world. and now that she's separate from jiwoo, she couldn't help but worry. the thought of sooyoung possible freezing right now miserably troubles jiwoo to death.

her eyes felt hot, the perfect shade of hazel glazed with tears. she fears whatever might happen to sooyoung right now she won't hesitate to follow her to the ends of the world and donate her all the warmth she has in her body.

_god, ha sooyoung, where could you possibly right now?_

she carefully stands up, keeping the tears in place. she wouldn't want to shed a single teardrop in sooyoung's favorite cushion. she knew sooyoung wouldn't like the idea of her second most loved possession to be something mourned of her by her first.

she wipes her face dry and goes back to the windows, the ice in the glass forming majestic patterns. she slides it open and realized how thick the ice grew on the windowsill. had it been months ago, when it wasn't as cold yet, she has always been standing there leaning a cheek against the glass, wishfully and patiently waiting for her. she wouldn't know how soon will she arrive, _maybe tonight is the night._ she reminds herself so she'd never get tired. she will never give up on waiting for sooyoung. love requires waiting, and she has so much love for sooyoung she doubts she'd run out of it and eventually get tired for her. she wants sooyoung to still have something to go back to. she's all what she's got. and maybe, just maybe, every seconds passing by is a countdown for sooyoung's awaited return and she would be able to greet her with a smile like an angel that has came falling down to her arms by the clock hits the minute for christmas.

"i love you, ha sooyoung, i will always be here for you to land on." she mutters under her breath. after finger-countable seconds was when jiwoo's tummy grumbled. jiwoo giggled. whenever sooyoung hears it, she'll ask her if she had already eaten, and ask her to eat now whatever jiwoo's answer would be. "you got me, i haven't eaten yet." and she never got to eat properly since the day sooyoung left. "oh, and, love you more."

she then finds her way out the door, meeting with the ever horrifying hallways that has never been so monstrous, so empty, so dead without _her._ it sickens jiwoo and it acids through her stomach.

she goes down the stairs, each step echoing throughout the house. jiwoo feels like her heel will sink into the floor anytime.

jiwoo dove into the fridge. her eyes scanned for any foods or leftovers, grabbing the first thing she lays her eyes onto. a small container of strawberries. "remember these, sooyoung?" jiwoo lightly shakes the strawberries, cautious enough to not bruisen the surface of the fruits. she instantly felt her heart flutter a little when she recalls sooyoung used to lean over and feed her the berries. she enjoyed that fluttering feeling more than anything, she grows a little bit more impatient for sooyoung to hurry up in heading back. she knows, and will always remember, that sooyoung promised her to be back. if it might not be sooner, but once sooyoung promised her something she'd give her all assurance that it would be fulfilled. none of her promises rot and she's not gonna start failing jiwoo.

her berries were gone before jiwoo could even realize she's eaten all the way through. she wanted to sob, but instead she laughed mindlessly at it. "oh my god, sooyoung, i'm sorry i didn't spare you a bite. i know how you loved these, too." jiwoo restrained her tears as she earns a lump on her throat and it's forcing her to swallow it. "i... i guess we'd just have to fetch another pack from the market when you're here, right?" she smiled, rubbing her thumb over the container lightly, completely ignoring the fact that she'd always say this whenever she empties a pack. half heartedly, she gets more of them when it's time for a visit to the market.

jiwoo looked around. the apartment they used to share had never felt so unfamiliar without sooyoung; it was all so unwelcoming, quiet and cold that she can barely call it home. her home has always been sooyoung. she finds security within the cradle between her arms more than anywhere else.

she remembers sooyoung's reminder, _"also, jiwoo, try to control the loudness of your voice when we finally get to live there," she says over the phone with the shuffling of some boxes heard in the background._

_"hey! i'm not loud!" jiwoo tries to defend, pressing the phone between her ears and shoulders as she adjusts her grip on her box._

_"anyone could hear you from more than a mile away. i'm concerned about our to-be-neighbors." she couldn't see it, but she knows sooyoung rolled her eyes as she snarls that out._

_"mean." jiwoo pouted._

_she hears sooyoung laughing. "don't you worry, sillypants, i'd stay with you under any roof nevertheless."_

_jiwoo felt her heart triple in size._

jiwoo smiled and shook her head in disbelief. now her- _their_ apartment is now only filled of longing sighs and aimless whispers, when it used to be the two of them and the happy christmas lights blinking on their wall as they hear jiwoo always yelling how much she loves and endears sooyoung. it's hard to believe for jiwoo either.

**my third wish is for all the other wishes to come true**

had it been one of the past years with sooyoung, she could have been decorating the christmas tree that stands sturdily and firmly on their living room with her. she'd argue with sooyoung on who would place the star atop the tree that's a solid foot taller than sooyoung's frame. sooyoung would eventually give in after a moment and let her girlfriend get on a stool to reach the peak, just because she loves the happiness that would paint across jiwoo's face when she succeeds. and when she finished and looked down, she'd see sooyoung placing wires and wires of christmas lights around its branches and then proceed to placing christmas balls and other decorations they bought together.

she even saw a cute display of two angels kissing and would turn to sooyoung, saying she's one of them and sooyoung is the other one. sooyoung would just laugh with jiwoo.

new year was special. their circle of friends gathered in their apartment. there were liquors for the adults (they were warned not to take too many, though) and round fruits for the younger ones. they had played so many party games and sang songs really loudly on their karaoke, no one giving a fuck about the other residents in their floor. they all counted down until midnight, when another year was yet to be born, and when the clock hits twelve, sooyoung pulls in jiwoo for a kiss. fireworks shot out the previously black inky sky, blooming in several pretty patterns. sooyoung and jiwoo felt those fireworks violently explode in their hearts, too.

_you are my only wish for the following years, kim jiwoo._

that was one of the most eventful holidays they spent. it couldn't be better, can never be, although every second with sooyoung is beyond the word beautiful can ever define. she and sooyoung could have been the angels, always cuddling and kissing and walking around heaven without any worries.

but, alas,

heaven has an end,

nature is one _fickle bitch._

_"jiwoo, are you home?" the other side of the door was jungeun freaking out._

_jiwoo hurriedly went to the door almost tripping on her own foot to open for jungeun._ _"yeah, what happened?"_

_"jiwoo," there were tears visible, and jiwoo felt her heart drop heavy in her chest, "turn your tv on. local news channel."_

_no. no. not this memory_ ** _again_** _, please._ jiwoo pleaded to her mind, feeling so betrayed that her memories eventually led to... _that day_ , when jiwoo wished it could just be thrown away and never to return, as how the waves were thrown against the shore disappearing upon contact with land. jiwoo doesn't want that. it was a pregnant threat to her trust in sooyoung.

_"jiwoo, baby, i'm so sorry," jungeun said with voice violently shaking._

_jiwoo's head was spinning, and her heart had been torn away from its veins, living jiwoo with a hollow inside._

_"this isn't true." jiwoo argues, trying to convince her equally devastated best friend, who has nothing to do but pull her close in a comforting embrace. it was so odd for her. "sooyoung made it. i know she did."_

_jungeun had no words. she supposes jiwoo didn't need words now anyway. the air that surrounded was muggy and heavy that it was incredibly difficult to breathe. jiwoo didn't know how to feel. that_ _**wasn't** _ _the plane with sooyoung_ _aboard. sooyoung is with her family for vacation, all safe and sound, happily dancing around with her sweet little cousins and nephews and nieces._

"shit." jiwoo puffed, massaging her temples as if to ease the strong headaches she could hardly bear.

she couldn't fathom the idea of sooyoung gone. _missing._ she never ran out of hope.

it could be, yes. but there is no proof that sooyoung has died on the tragedy, none had been discovered to this day. and that's what gives jiwoo a lot of hope that she's still out there, waiting to be finally back on jiwoo's arms, where there's no place she'd rather be in and forget the absolute nightmare that it has induced. as long as she's with her, it's all going to be okay. jiwoo knows sooyoung knows that.

walking into the living room, it's like walking onto fine legos. the christmas tree still stood still beside the couch. jiwoo didn't have the time to disassemble it after the last january she could remember dissolved away. the fancy decorations were kept away, though, and now it was devoid of any emotion of festivity. _maybe someday, sooyoung and i can redo you. you lonely, lonely tree._

she will never ever run out of hope for sooyoung. she loves jiwoo, she is her whole world, and the same goes for jiwoo to sooyoung.

**Author's Note:**

> okay clown confession...... this was supposed to be posted LAST YEAR but i wasnt able to complete this on time :-( (my writing back then was weak. probably up until now too)
> 
> twt: gxgsite  
> cc: lapresas


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